We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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