"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
