I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
