Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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