someone get that fucking seahorse.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
false alarm, still single
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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