Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
