If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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