I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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