I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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