tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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