Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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