I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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