Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
