"it" just moved
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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