hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
