You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
