You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
