So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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