last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
