my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
