So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
