Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
