does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
