i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
