i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
