Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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