this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
