don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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