Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
