i think i have herpe
just one?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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