xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
