he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
accomplished twins. life is a go
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
