i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
