Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
