After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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