you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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