we're chasing vodka with high fives
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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