okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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