yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
