I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
