I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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