I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
