he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
