just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
