The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
