Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
