I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
