I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
