I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
last night I used snow as a chaser
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
