I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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