guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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