i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
