The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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