Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
worst night to have a conscience
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
