wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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