Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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