Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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