You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
