brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
