During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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