I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
