i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
