I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
