i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
