So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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