I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
